Every day countless people think or tell their friends things like “My boyfriend is a bad kisser” or ”My girlfriend is a bad kisser” or “How to deal with a bad kisser?” and even “I feel like I’m a bad kisser.”
Kissing is an important part of a relationship for most people and not being able to kiss well can be a deal breaker! You don’t have to carry the reputation of being a good kisser but nobody likes to date a bad kisser. A bad kisser will often be a bad lover as well and people realize this even if it’s only on a subconscious level.
Is Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Really A Bad Kisser?
First of all, if you’ve been in a relationship for some time it’s normal that you get used to your partner’s kissing style. And, kissing a new partner may feel awkward at first. However, that does not necessarily make him or her a bad kisser. You have to realize that different people kiss differently and it may take some time getting used to kissing a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Keep an open mind and give your partner a chance… You may just get to enjoy kissing him or her more than your ex!
Secondly, how do you really feel about your partner? If you don’t have passionate feelings towards him or her it can be easy to find fault with the way he or she kisses you. Perhaps you are even comparing him or her to an old boyfriend or girlfriend that used to be a great kisser (in your opinion) and that you still have feelings for.
Thirdly, perhaps your partner just doesn’t have a lot of kissing experience, if any, and is feeling nervous about kissing you. Take it easy on him or her and give your partner a chance to get used to kissing you. There is no substitute for experience and if you give your partner a chance and guide him or her you may be pleasantly surprised to find out just how much better he or she will become at kissing you in a short period of time.
Lastly, consider the possibility that you may just be moving too fast for your partner. He or she may just not be ready to give you a passionate tongue kiss right there and then. It does not mean he or she is not able or willing to kiss you well.
Before labelling someone a bad kisser take a moment to think about how you really feel about that person and if you’re not just comparing him or her with someone that you still care about.
Do you think you’re a bad kisser? Why?
On the other hand, maybe you’re under the impression that you’re a bad kisser… Many people suffer from low self esteem and in the absence of positive feedback from their partner wonder whether they are any good at kissing or should be doing things differently.
There are normally clear signs that indicate whether you may be a bad kisser, namely:
1. You seldom kiss the same person twice.
Many, if not most, people decide right after their first kiss whether they will kiss the same person again in the future. If you find it hard or nearly impossible to get someone that is willing to kiss you on more than one occasion it may very well be a sign that you’re a bad kisser.
2. Your partner seldom or never initiates the kissing.
If your partner seldom or never initiates the kissing it’s normally a sign that he or she does not enjoy kissing you and that you may be a bad kisser.
3. Your partner makes it clear that he or she does not enjoy kissing you.
If your partner often pulls away from you before or during a kiss it should be clear you are doing something that he or she does not appreciate. Alternatively, your partner may also be open and frank enough to tell you what bothers him or her about kissing you.
In most cases it’s possible to become a good kisser if you can put your ego aside, are ready to acknowledge that you are making some mistakes and are willing to work on improving your kissing technique.
Signs Of A Bad Kisser And What To Do About It
Here are some common traits of a bad kisser.
1. Bad oral hygiene.
Bad oral hygiene is probably the number one reason why people get called bad kissers.
Make sure your breath smells fresh and if your partner is the one with the bad breath then tell him or her about it! For example, some smokers have no idea just how revolting it can be for a non-smoker to kiss them… He or she will not be offended if you offer him or her a mint first before kissing. The same applies to drinking or eating smelly food such as garlic.
Always carry some mints with you, for you and your partner, if necessary.
Check your teeth in a mirror before kissing. Nobody wants to kiss someone that has something stuck in his or her teeth. And, if your partner is the one that has something stuck in his or her teeth, tell him or her about it! It’s much better to tell your partner than to pull a face when he or she tries to kiss you!
Lastly, make sure your lips are not dry or chapped. It’s no fun kissing someone that has dry or chapped lips!
2. Excessive saliva.
Kissing can produce extra saliva but nobody likes the idea of someone else pouring saliva in his or her mouth! A dry kiss is not pleasant but a soppy kiss is downright gross! Make sure to swallow regularly.
3. Bumping noses and teeth.
If you smile just before kissing your partner or move in too quickly for the kiss without closing your mouth and tilting your head you’re going to bump your teeth and / or your nose against that of your partner. Doing this is unpleasant to say to least but can also be painful!
4. Using too much tongue.
It can be fun to French kiss someone! But, don’t try to explore every part of his or her mouth with your tongue as if you’re a dentist! And, don’t just stick your tongue into your partner’s mouth or try to see how deep your tongue can go! Nobody likes to be gagged!
If your partner is not good at French kissing don’t hesitate to pull away from him or her and tell your partner what you didn’t enjoy or appreciate about the kiss.
5. Not closing eyes.
Kissing someone while that person is staring at you is awkward and will make anyone feel uncomfortable. Always close your eyes while kissing and if your partner doesn’t close his or her eyes then tell him or her that you find it a bit weird.
Biting someone while kissing is not cool and most of the time it’s only painful and nothing more. Kissing should be soft and passionate, not painful!
7. Boring and predictable.
A bad kisser is often boring and predictable. Kissing someone special should never become a routine. Try to come up regularly with new and interesting ways to kiss him or her to make sure it stays special.
Always try to take advantage of a romantic opportunity to kiss your partner and kiss him or her passionately and as if he or she is the only person in the world you care about at that moment.
8. Not giving his or her partner the opportunity to breathe.
Latching onto your partner and creating an airtight seal is not the way to kiss! Take it easy, make sure to breathe and give your partner the opportunity to breathe as well. Nobody likes to be suffocated while kissing!
9. Face licking.
Having someone lick your face as if you’re ice cream is not cool! The vast majority of people do not enjoy being licked in the face!
10. Not knowing what to do.
Opening your mouth as if you’re a baby waiting for someone to feed you or not being responsive and making your partner feel like he or she is kissing his or her grandmother is a sure way to put your partner off from kissing you again.
Learning how to kiss is not difficult and the first rule is that kissing requires two willing participants. It’s not a one-way street! If you’re about as responsive as your average rock you’re not going to have a lot of success.
How To Deal With A Bad Kisser
If based on the above you acknowledge that you’re a bad kisser then at least now you may have a better idea on what you’re doing wrong and how you can fix it. In addition, try to find out what your partner likes and try to please him or her.
On the other hand, if you really care about someone but feel he or she is a bad kisser there are a couple of things you can do to help him or her, namely:
1. Set a good example.
Kiss your partner the way you want to be kissed. Show him or her by example how to kiss.
2. Talk to your partner.
Good communication is vital in any relationship. Don’t judge someone or make assumptions without talking to them. It’s normal that you may be afraid of hurting his or her feelings but if you approach it from a kind, loving perspective your partner will appreciate it. Focus on telling your partner what you want or what you enjoy and not on what he or she is doing wrong.
3. Give your partner clear signals.
If your partner does something that you don’t enjoy or appreciate pull away from him or her. Try to be consistent! If you don’t mind something today but you make a fuss about it tomorrow you’re giving out mixed signals. Don’t grin and bear it until you can no longer handle it!
If after trying all of the above you still feel that your partner is a bad kisser you have to consider the possibility that you are just not compatible. In the end it does not really matter whether he or she is a good kisser or not… What matters most is that you must enjoy kissing your partner and enjoy being kissed by your partner. If there is no chemistry between the two of you it’s not going to make either you feel fulfilled in your relationship.